So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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