he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
