U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
