I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
