a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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