so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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