Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
