East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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