Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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