My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
