I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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