hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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