This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
