She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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