the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
