Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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