trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
