I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dicks are not precious.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
