you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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