He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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