She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
