the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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