I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
