i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
