Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
