I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
