Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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I said "one day" and that day is not today
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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