found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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