My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
