Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
