i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
