The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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