how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
