you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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