So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
there's paper in my vomit.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
