Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
