we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
