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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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