he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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