don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
