She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
