i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
