So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
