Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
