I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
