There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
