there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
