Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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