dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
