im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
