Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
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cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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