We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
