At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
