You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
