i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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