i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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