did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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