overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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