if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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