I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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