I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
