Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize