What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize