Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have aggressive nipples.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
