look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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