At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
