I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
