Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
