I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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