your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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