All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
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I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome