I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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