I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic