Don't make out with my wife yet
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.