What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.