if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
