she was so not down for the gang bang
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law