Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him