even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.