My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
