9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
