Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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